The Lord has been revealing so much to me. What I really want to talk about though is the whole concept of being "faithful in the small". I have grown up hearing that as well as the well known parables of the bad servant who hid his talent and got punished for it. I was always taught that we must use our talents for the Lord, however, that story never really made sense to me. Actually, I always kind of felt really sorry for that poor servant, I sympathized with him. I mean, what if he didn't have the skills to make good business investments? What if he was truly doing the best he could with what he had? What if he was an artsy kind & just genuinely had no interest in business? At least he hadn't stolen it and used it for himself right? So why was God being so mean to him?
Well, the Holy Spirit revealed something to me about the servant that I had never even thought about. It turns out it really wasn't about what he did or didn't do with the talent, it was about his heart. Abba is always ultimately interested in the motives of our hearts. The problem was that the servant had a very negative perception of who his master was. In Matthew 25:24-25 we see his attitude towards his master, "Sir, I knew that you were a hard man, harvesting where you did not sow,
and gathering where you did not scatter seed, so I was afraid, and I
went and hid your talent in the ground. See, you have what is yours." Basically, he thought of his master as a "hard man" and pretty much told him that he was an exploiter who had extreme demands and was unfair. At least that's how I read it. That's when I realized that the problem was the servant's attitude that was produced by a wrong image of his master. Having a wrong image of our Heavenly Father causes us to FEAR, fear failure, fear not being good enough, fear stepping out and taking risks and we all know, there is no fear in love.
This hit me like a brick wall, because I am that servant. I have always struggled with a twisted image of my Heavenly Father, I'm still in the middle of a battle for the truth of who God is. I got a fresh insight into why I have struggled to step into the fullness of my destiny in Jesus, it's because I still don't trust Yahweh to be who He says He is. I still have not been perfected in His love, therefore, there is still fear in my heart. Yet the Lord is so merciful and kind, He showed me this reality through my job situation.
I have been struggling so much at work. It is not my passion, there are very difficult people that I have to work under. It is a very tough environment to be in. I found myself resorting back to my old ways of dealing with hostility, through lashing out in anger. My attitude got so bad that my supervisor had to reprimand me and tell me straight up that I was an ungrateful employee who didn't even try to do the bare minimum of what was expected of me. That was my wake up call. I started seeking the Lord for answers to my horrible behavior, and the Lord showed me, as He always does. I had not been working as "unto the Lord" because I felt the Lord was being "unfair" in placing me in such a "hard" place and under such harsh people. The Lord showed me that regardless of whether my bosses treat me fairly or not, my privilege is to work for Him, it is a blessing. Therefore, I have to treat it as such. But before I can do that, I have to realize that it is God who is my boss, and He is an AMAZING one. I am not going to lie and say that I have already gotten this, because I haven't. Even as I write this I am feeling like I'm in the pit alongside Joseph, but I have the sure hope that the Lord will complete the work He has started in me, and soon, I will be able to, like Joseph, find joy in the midst of darkness, peace in the midst of hostility.
So, my advice to you all, is no matter what situation you are in, if you find yourself being miserable, struggling with finances, or just "stuck" in some rut, look up and make sure your heart knows who your Father really is. Ask the Lord to search your heart and see if there is any wicked way in it, and when He does, repent and turn away from it and focus on getting to know your Heavenly Father. Even if your behavior doesn't change immediately, just keep going, keep seeking Him, and in so doing, He will transform you and renew your mind. You will see Him as He is and all the lies will melt away in the fire of His love!
